How to Be the Most Beautiful Woman in the Room: A 3-Part Beauty Manifesto

be the most beautiful woman in the room

“Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”-Confucius

I watched her walk into the room.

With every head turned, the space around us immediately went quiet as she sauntered down the long stairway, similar to a Cinderella-esque movie montage. She filled the room as an audible gasp of air was heard from everyone in her presence.

Within minutes, people had gathered around her.

Within hours, she had mesmerized and captivated everyone in the room.

Catherine, a Parisian friend of mine, was her name. She was not, by society’s standards, your classic beauty. Her face was cute, but quirky; she was approaching her 43rd birthday; and had some curves in her size 10 dress.

She was also the most stunning woman in the room.

Why? What did she possess that others didn’t? How was she able to enthrall everyone in the room by her presence alone? How could she confidently stand shoulder-to-shoulder with everyone there?

Because she had found the secret. It’s simple, really.

Beauty is an inside job that radiates out into everything that you do. (Tweet it!)

If you have ever desired to feel like the most beautiful and confident woman in the room or wondered what some people have that others don’t, this 3-part Beauty Manifesto is for you.

Take it easy and really digest the steps. Above all, remember that beauty comes from within and that in order for the world to see how lovely and sensational you are, you must first feel that for yourself.

And, above all, remember this:  there is room for every woman in the room to be the most beautiful.  

Are you ready? Let’s begin!

Step #1:  Start at the End.

When Henri Matisse sat down to paint, he envisioned his masterpiece hanging on a wall. When Hemingway picked up a pen and paper to compose a novel, he already knew its ending.

When you walk into a room, know what you want to experience and hold onto that intention.

A woman who French Kisses Life understands that her life is her own creation. Waiting for others to make her feel beautiful, successful, empowered and worthy is simply not how she rolls.

Here’s another beauty secret:

Accountability is everything. Be responsible for your own life and emotional well-being. (Tweet it!)

This extends into how we dress, walk, eat, think, and show up for ourselves and those we love.

So, if you want to feel like the most beautiful woman in the room, start at the end and envision what you want to feel as though it already exists.

What does that look like? How does that feel? What’s different about the interactions you’d have in that state of mind? How would you dress? How would you carry yourself? What would your thought patterns be like?

Before I step foot into any social situation, I try to create the ending in my mind first. Be open in this process and allow what may organically happen to occur, but be confident and have an idea of what feeling you want to take away.

Plant the seed of intention and allow the pieces to form around you as you create your own experience.

As Lana Parilla has said: “You are where you need to be. Just take a deep breath.”

Step #2: View the Room as Your Personal Playground.

Imagine a playground.

Perhaps what comes to mind is the innocent beauty of children playing– full of curiosity, wonder, excitement and raw laughter.

They don’t seem to be held back by judgement or fear of messing up. In fact, they unabashedly seek out challenges and opportunities to learn and grow.

They just want play and be part of a world full of wonder, play and fun.

Many women walk into a room and view it more like a war zone than a colorful playground to explore. Their minds are filled with ugly comparisons, inadequacies and the fear of judgement that restricts them from saying or wearing what they really want to and relying on false expectations instead.

As you may imagine, the energy of such thoughts and feelings strip a woman of her innate playfulness and her inner light that is the most effective part of her beauty.

When you walk into a room, don’t see it as a test. Choose to imagine it as your social playground and have fun.

Become curious about others, seek out conversations that inspire you, and don’t forget your most fabulous fashion accessory– your smile.

Take it from Audrey Hepburn: “Happy girls are the prettiest girls.”

Step #3: Create your own definition of beauty.

If your current standard of beauty is a 6-foot, 130-pound blonde and you’re a 5-foot, 140-pound brunette, that’s gonna need some changing. If that’s your current mindset, accept it, but also understand that it’s a game that can’t be won.  Slim, Chic & Savvy women love to play games that can be won.

In order to feel beautiful, you must create a beauty mindset that personalizes what beauty means to you and not what you see on the cover of Vogue.

In the Slim, Chic & Savvy 10-Week Immersion Experience, members create their own definitions of beauty, including aspects like: physical, intellectual, spiritual, and mental.

For one client, her definition was:

“Beauty is taking great care of myself.  Beauty is walking into a room and not caring about what others think, but caring about them.  Beauty is taking the time to look my best. Beauty is feeding my body with beautiful foods and my mind with beautiful thoughts.  Beauty is celebrating life.”

In creating her personal definition of beauty, she began to feel it in a very different way than before she began her Slim, Chic & Savvy journey. The result?  She met an awesome guy and landed her dream job.

And that’s how to play the beauty game.

Step 4:  Visualize Beauty.

Buddha said, “What you think, you become.”  Are you thinking beauty?

Rumi said, “What you seek is seeking you.”  Are you seeking beauty?

Your thoughts and intentions are creating your life.

The great news is that in any moment, you can focus on things that align with your desires. The bad news is that if you allow your life to run wild, life will happen to you in ways that you may not want.

Forget about appearances, if you show up to a room thinking ugly thoughts and focusing on your perceived shortcomings, you are undeniably restricting yourself from enjoying a beautiful experience.

The choice is yours in what you believe, see, and feel.

Look around. Beauty is everywhere. Are your eyes open enough to see it? Is your heart open to appreciating it?

Look in the mirror.  Beauty is staring right back at ya.

Step #5:  Have a Love Affair with Life.

A woman in love is a beautiful thing.  But a woman in love with life?  Pure magic.

When you fall in love with life, you fall in love with yourself. And when that happens, you will no longer crave validation from others or need them to make you feel a certain way.

You will feel beauty resonate from within you and you will no longer need to hear others tell you that you are.

Women who practice self-love are rare and exotic creatures in a society that is constantly comparing and seeking reassurance. This rarity can bring such glow, freshness and beautiful magnetism to a stale world that has a tendency to conform.

Part 2 of your Beauty Manifesto will be whisked off to your inbox next week.

In Love & Beauty,



P.S. Did you register for Slim, Chic & Savvy Immersion?  Enrollment closes tomorrow.  I’d love to see you there!

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18 Responses to How to Be the Most Beautiful Woman in the Room: A 3-Part Beauty Manifesto

  1. Tonia,

    Although you said click and read, I’m clicking to print. I’m not able to participate in SCS as yet, since I too am planning a trip to the US and I’m going state hopping. (traveling by bus) but I will need these little tips as I go on my journey on my own. I’m a bit nervous but I’m excited. So thank you in advance for this Manifesto.

  2. After a pretty rotten week this is exactly what I needed! Thanks so much Tonya! This is beautifully put together and so achievable, it’s amazing how we can unconsciously sabotage ourselves and our surroundings but its fabulous to know a few simple tweaks can turn things around around and instil positive foundations. I agree with Shinelle; these tips are a wonderful companion for the journey! Thanks for being such a shining star! xoxo

  3. Tonya, I’ve never really thought about “starting at the end” before, but I think this might be some of the best advice I’ve ever heard. I am going to try to implement this into my life for sure. Thank you, as always, for your words of wisdom and your amazing inspiration!

  4. Hello…I have felt badly about myself for many years. I had a very abusive marriage and the ugliness is still there. I try to feel good about myself, but nothing seems to work. I feel I am not “good enough” to be a beautiful woman. I am always trying to change myself in one way or another. My hair color, makeup or clothing. Any inspirational suggestions> Thank you.

    • First of all Sandra, it’s understandable why you are feeling this way. You’ve been through a lot! But, I think the first step in any change is the decision to do so — to see yourself as valuable. When you set that intention, a tiny shift happens that will lead to big results over time. And, as you probably know, no amount of makeup, clothes or other external things can solve something so much deeper. I’d also recommend finding a trusting mentor, coach or therapist that can support you. Sending you SO much love, and I hope you can see the beauty that is within you.

      • Hello Tonya, Thank you for commenting. I have tried therapy and she said the same thing as you had said. It has been years since I had seen her and I still feel the same. It seems that clothing, hair and makeup is all I have. The fact is, I cannot find the woman I used to be. I was a very successful career woman of twenty four, private secretary to the President of a very large company.My dream job. Now I am retired and still looking for “who I really am”. Where did she disappear to?

        • Sandra, when women ask me, “who am I,” I ask them, “Who do you want to BE?” You get to decide. And, I promise you this: that woman that you used to be is still within you. And, I bet she’s so ready to come out and play.

          • Thank you for responding, Tonya. I understand what you are saying and I know that she is there. Her problem is that she has tried to find her, many times. She feels herself there. But, cannot make herself come to the surface. She has lost so much of herself and her life. She wonders if she will ever get “herself” back. Her question to me is “Where am I among all of this”? She doesn’t know who she is anymore and doesn’t know where to begin looking. Nothing of herself is familiar to her. Where does she start? Thank you for listening..

          • Sandra, I’d recommend working with someone who will support you in finding that part of yourself again. There are many incredible coaches/therapists/mentors out there. And, if my work is something you’re drawn to, please reach out to and let us know.

            My program, Slim, Chic & Savvy, is designed to support women cultivating that part of themselves.

            Whatever you do, love yourself deeply. That’s how you’re going to find her! xoxo

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