The Beauty of Tears


“Do not apologize for crying.

Without this emotion, we are only robots.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Over the past week, I’ve been French Kissing Life. But, it hasn’t looked the way you’d probably suspect. In fact, it’s felt quite messy beautiful.

I’ve cried for three days straight: Puffy eyes.  Stuffy nose.  Mascara running down my face.

Not a pretty site.

Like clockwork, I expect this emotional breakthrough once a month, and it’s always around that time.

(Ladies, you know what I mean.)

During that time, things feel more intense and magnified, and it’s like my heart opens up and tries to take on the whole-wide-world at one time. The smallest little thing will induce a flood of tears – seeing something beauty, receiving love, an inspirational video.  And, life’s challenges feel bigger than they really are.

Fortunately, I know myself well enough to understand that this is part of my unique feminine rhythm. It, too, will pass (and come again).

But, I’ve learned to embrace the tears, just like I cherish the laughter.  I believe it’s one of the secrets to French Kissing Life.  

I will never forget watching a very chic Parisian woman sobbing in the Luxembourg gardens.

Sitting on a bench, surrounded by beautiful flowers, she let her raw emotions spill out and flow down her cheeks to hit her silk blouse and let the world bear witness.

The French pride themselves on their self-expression and don’t constantly pursue happiness, giving them permission to fully experience life in that moment.  That’s joie de vivre!  

One of my best girlfriends, who is also an expert on French femininity, shared with the ladies at one of my  French Kiss Life Retreats in Paris: “A french woman will cry to get her way.”

In essence, if she needs something and has exhausted all of her options, she will resort to shedding a tear– or many. In turn, men will gather around the sobbing woman to offer help.

Believe me, I am not suggesting you manipulate others through false tears, but I am saying that there is power in vulnerability and emotion.

In fact, today, during a leisurely 3 hour lunch with girlfriends, the tears started to flow (again).  Our poor waiter started scurrying to bring a linen napkin to the table.  God forbid, a tear fall into my leek and watercress soup.

I smiled (through the tears) and said, “You are such a sweetheart. Thank you.”  Next thing I know, we’re sharing a pistachio and honey goat cheese cheesecake on the house.

I know we’re taught to put on our big girl panties, toughen up and put on a happy face.

Psst…..If you’re looking to grab a drink (and maybe shed a tear!) with a group of fabulous ladies come join moi and the other bon vivants on the French Kiss Life World Tour.

But, if I’ve learned anything, it’s this: A woman who doesn’t cry has hardened her beautiful heart. (tweet it)

Society teaches us to remain strong, stop crying, and wear a smile 24 hours a day, seven days a week. “Pull yourself up by the bootstraps,” they say.

People are posting their “perfect lives” on Facebook, and no one dare tells the truth when they are asked the simple question, “How are you?”  Everyone always seems to be fine or great!

When was the last time you told the truth to this question?

I laughed out loud at lunch today when the waiter bravely asked our table if we were having a good day and my lovely (and very honest friend) said, “No!  What about you?”

Denying how you feel is not the pathway to freedom.  Before you move on, you must acknowledge where you are (and the stories that go along with it).   And, oftentimes, unless you’re living in a constant state of tears, you don’t even need to dissect every thought in your head.  You just need a good cry.

Emotions come and go, but who you are deep down is solid.  Don’t you ever forget that!

Crying should be a part of every woman’s beauty plan. It’s cleansing, releasing and part of your feminine essence.

It doesn’t mean that you’re neurotic or weak. It means that you’re strong and secure enough with who you are and you allow to feel what you’re feeling.

It also doesn’t mean that you have to stop living.  This week, I wrote more than ever, started planning a new project, and had a dance off in my living room.  Not to mention all the beautiful, ordinary things of my day.  And, I wore my lipstick through it all!

I just did it with tears.

Tears are simple, honest and soften the heart.

I invite you– brave, strong, and graceful woman– to acknowledge that tears are a beautiful part of being human, especially embracing your feminine essence.

A woman who fully French Kisses Life can say at the end,  I laughed all of my laughter and cried all of my tears! 

With a Tender Heart,


P.S.  Please add your thoughts below – I’d love to connect with you about this feminine topic!

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12 Responses to The Beauty of Tears

  1. Tears are a language that God understands. A loving, compassionate young lady, that you are. It’s ok to shed a few tears now and then as it helps to clear the eyes so that you can see things more clearly.

  2. Tonya, Life is hard sometimes. Period. But there is beauty in being human and authentic, and as long as you know that what you do matters and that you are growing each day, it’s all a part of the journey 🙂

  3. This is so timely as it is “that time”. The tears flow like a fountain e-v-e-r-y month. All the stuff in a room in the subconscious mind is magnified by 1000x. It is funny how I love emotional, expressive people, but feel like I should “keep a stiff upper lip”. I appreciate your perspective as I am not always good at doing that.

    In the FKL Adventure I was completely immersed on a daily basis. Being a sensual being, I always enjoyed beautiful things. However, sometimes the day-to-day of marriage, bills, home maintenance, etc. would push what I wanted to do from priority. Life needs whimsy and beauty every day. The pleasure of living the FKL Adventure was priceless. When I found that I had won, I was thinking this was the icing on the cake! The experience was priceless. I received the box of inspirational, sensual treasure in the mail just the other day. The personal care that was taken in the selection of everything made tears fill my eyes. Paris is nearer because of you, Tonya. Thank you so much. I cannot express my gratitude enough for the imprint you have left on my life. My thoughts are with you as you walk the streets of Paris.


  4. I had a good cry last week and hid it all too well. It’s especially not acceptable in my industry (and many others I’m sure), but after reading this post I promise to let it out the next time the rainfall comes again. Thanks for this.

  5. Hi Tonya, I just discovered your website and I’m deeply moved by your honesty. I’m going through a phase right now where I also cry at little things. I don’t want to be ‘strong’ like fake strong anymore.There’s strength in vulnerability. Thanks for sharing.

  6. This was so tender, Tonya. I dearly love everything you write!! And somehow in the past few weeks I hear an even more profoundly authentic voice coming through your writing. Raw, beautiful, and deeply powerful in its vulnerability. Opening my heart with yours! Xoxoxoxo

  7. Thank you for this Tonya. Tears. I seem to have become numb because of all the ugliness in the world. A part of me is wanting to withdraw, hide and never ‘feel’ again.. I call it “The land beyond tears”. It’s not a healthy mind set and I know that. “Beauty and Order” will always bring me back to life again. There is little I can do to help the Hurricane Harry Victims, I have already done what I can. it does them no good for me to be downtrodden about all that I cannot control. I cannot control the weather, other people, the stock market, the talk of wars, etc. I can only control and change myself. This wonderfully written piece has helped me …. I will honor all that is beautiful by getting myself some flowers today.

  8. Your writing touches my heart, Tonya. I’ve shed plenty of tears the last few weeks with my upcoming surgery and the pain i’d been having. Since the surgery, my emotions have been raw. I’m feeling so much gratitude that I found a good surgeon and had such good hospital care. I am also extremely grateful for my love, my partner who is caring for me. Right now I am crying a little! I am so glad that my heart hasn’t been hardened. FKL has given me the courage to take my health in my own hands and the freedom to honestly feel and work through my emotions. My word for 2017 is “authentic” it has made a difference.

  9. It is comforting to know that someone as inspiring and positive as you has these days too. With the horrors and tragedies that we are forever reading in the news, it is hard not to feel like this from time to time- especially at THAT time. Thankfully a few days pass and our strength and resilience returns. Thanks for being so honest- it makes FKL even more authentic and appealing. xx

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