Medicine, law, business, engineering: these are all noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, romance, love: these are what we stay alive for.
I love love.
I am a romantic.
I am an idealist and a dreamer.
I am a lover of classics: chateaux, castles, and churches. I am a lover of art, poetry, music and theater.
The romantic side of me has been indulged this last week. As I write this, I am a guest at an endearing chateau in a small village in the Bordeaux region of France, surrounded by grapes and sunflower fields. The smells are intoxicatingly fresh and the colors are vividly alive.
You may think based off the sounds of that, my week has been sheer bliss. Yes, there have been moments filled with unquestionable joy but … there has also been some sadness.
Let me explain . . .
I am in France celebrating the wedding of my dear friends– Julie and James– along with 31 other wonderful people from around the world.
My heart is so happy for them. But, inner-reflection is sometimes required and it has a tendency to sneak up on us when we’re not expecting, or wanting, it to.
The truth is that I’ve been working through shame surrounding the whole marriage thing. I’ve tried it twice and, even though I don’t like to frame timepieces as failures, I sometimes feel inadequate in the whole business of staying hitched.
As young girls, we daydream, obsess, and try ceaselessly to find our “Prince Charming.”
It becomes an endless search for love, adventure and satisfaction until we either A) find who we’ve been looking for, B) become jaded by the idea and give up, or C) discover that who we’ve always been looking for is actually ourselves. Personally, I would gladly choose to put myself in both categories A and C.
The trouble is that we wait for that special someone who we have envisioned for years to show up on their white steed, sweep us off our feet, adorn us with flowers, love, diamonds, and unlimited kisses, and embody the Hollywood romance.
Then, that special someone– who, in our fresh minds, is the embodiment of perfection– may break our hearts (or we break theirs), the flowers lose their luster, and the diamonds sit without really becoming “a girl’s best friend.”
We, then, become discouraged, gain (or lose) weight, work tirelessly, focus on the kids, and wonder what happened to our grand vision of a life of romance.
Does this sound familiar? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. It does resonate for me, however.
In the back of our minds, we can’t deny our desire for the childhood innocence and hope for romance– passionate adventure, sunlit dinners that creep into the early hours of the next morning, trips to Paris and kisses at the Eiffel tower, or in the most mundane of places, that completely sweep us off our feet.
A life of luxury and elegance without romance is not complete. Bouquets of flowers, sensual seduction, divine perfumes, decadent wine and food, and a fresh awakening to a new day with fiery passion and love do have the potential to invade every aspect of our lives elegantly.
As I sit here, atop a rich valley of sunflowers and earth, I embrace that I am a lifelong romantic.
Yes, I have had my fair share of heartbreaks, disappointments, and struggles. But, through it all, what I have learned is that I am part love/part fighter.
I will never give up on the idea of true love and romance.
Some may think that after what I have experienced, my heart would close. However, with such electric excitement, it’s only the opposite: my heart is so much more open.
Life is to be lived with beauty, passion and thrill. If, through past experiences, we allow someone else to come and take that from us or we wait for that someone else to provide what our heart desires, we have given that person a power that is only ours. Take that back.
Allow your inner goddess to be a fighter. The quest for love is one of the most honorable and worthwhile fights that we could ever encounter and one that we can, absolutely, be champions of.
How does one begin?
Oscar Wilde once said: “To love one’s self is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
A romantic life begins and ends with you, darling. Yet, just focusing on loving yourself isn’t enough.
When it comes to the whole self-love movement, I’m have a different view of things. When I claimed my own romantic life back, it was about so much more than just me. The more I focused on loving myself, the more separate I felt, because I didn’t have a clue as to where to start. When you spend over a decade being your own worst critic, to hear someone say, “Just love yourself,” causes you to roll your eyes.
The beginning of my self love journey started by me looking for things to love about life. And, things started to change. I began to see how I was connected to everything, and the love I had for myself grew as a result.
I often tell my clients this: if you want to fall in love with yourself, fall in love with the world. (tweet it)And, it requires continuous awareness. Sometimes, like this week, old programming that states I’m not complete without another, and I must remind myself that I’m not separated from anyone or anything. My thinking tries to convince me that I’m all alone, but there is always love all around me. And, even though I didn’t have a man by my side for this event, I was surrounded by love.
At the reception, I danced with myself and friends. I have walked through the vineyards alone, feeling the company of sunshine. I have picked sunflowers with Inge, my beautiful new friend. I have laid in bed belly laughing with my traveling pal, Carson. And, as I write, there is a bird perched beside me; there is a single, fragrant rose in bloom; there is a life of beauty to behold. And, I realize that I’m never alone.
Romance is everywhere. (tweet it)
It would be a tremendous shame if I missed it all, because I thought it only existed with another person.
This week has brought me yet another revelation. My grand romance is not with a certain person or experience. My romance is with the world and each moment it offers me. And, when I’m with that person, it’s just a beautiful extension of this whole experience.
Even deeper, I feel that my greatest love affair will be not just with myself, but with God, which is in everyone and everything I meet.
And, at the end of my life, I want to say that I loved him passionately.
Are you ready to have a grand romance with your life? Je t’aime, La Vie! (I love you, my life!) to inspire you to fall in love, because I know one thing to be true: a woman in love is the most powerful women you’ll ever meet!
With a Romantic Heart,
Tonya
xoxo
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Beautiful post, Tonya! Thanks for sharing it and allowing us to travel with you.
Since my first SCS experience I have been single, had companion and back to single a couple of times, and I have you to thank for enjoying my single times from a very pleasurefull place, not looking for someone but rather enjoying myself, my family and friends. I love life and life loves me back! Right now I'm in a tour bus going up the Andes, to enjoy a sunny winter day with my little sister that has never seen snow!!
Lots of love for you all.
Well said, Tanya. Sometimes we can't see the forest through the trees (did I just write that?) but it's so true. How can we truly find/see love if we don't start with ourselves?
Have a marvellous week-end, ma chère!
I have been married 25 years this year to a great man however Tonya's posting entitled "Frenchie Friday: The (Not So) Hopeless Romantic" will enable me to re-focus on finding joy in everyone of God's creations. Merci, Merci, Merci
Thank you for sharing your beauty Tonya and your exquisite writing. You are a true artiste and passionate lover in this big beautiful world xxx
What a beautiful post! I especially appreciate the last part about your "greatest love affair". That's what puts the true joy in our lives and makes everything work out right. Thank you for sharing from your romantic heart to ours.
oh, wow, tonya. this moved me SO much...gave me chills...just amazing!! it's funny, because every day I use my camera to focus and savor all the things that lift me from within with big, big smiles but i can tend to get myself in a negative funk b/c my husband works so much and i can feel lonely because he's not around as much as i'd like because of his hours and we don't connect as much as i'd like.
i feel like i'm a single mommy all week long, until he's home on the weekends, but still on work calls. but, every day, my inner self is showing me exactly what you're saying here and i have to remember that...what i love the most and even just starting to type this fills my entire being with happy tingles...is..
if you want to fall in love with yourself, fall in love with the world. WOW! WOW! WOW!!
because, i will tell myself to love me more, but it can be hard...and now i see why. i'm gonna keep savoring this beautiful life through the lens and now with even more meaning because of what you wrote. i see, that i'm on the right track, i just can't let my thoughts get in the way of truly seeing all the love that makes up this beautiful world we live in. thank you!!!
Hands down the most beautiful post you've written. Had tears in my eyes- of empathy, beauty, joy, and sadness. Simply amazing. Thank you for sharing.
Beautiful Tonya! Merci!
Tonya, This was a very moving post… I am a 64 year old woman and wondering how you got so wise at such a young age?? I also happen to be an artist, and I believe that to see God in all of His creations is to experience a life of joy and gratitude… Please continue to share your lovely insights and beautiful spirit with us all - it is a gift!
Hi Tonya,
This post came just in time!
I had just written this morning in my journal, something I had read a long time ago. It is from The Four Loves by CS Lewis.
"Love ceases to be a demon when love ceases to be a god...Conversely, love becomes a demon when love becomes a god." This quote truly changed my perception the first time I read it. It has stayed with me for over 10 years.
When I journal, it is my communion and conversation with G-d. So my question was to Him, how do I keep in line with this, not letting love become a god, while still in wanting in the depths of my heart?
Hi Tonya, I am awe inspired by this post! You have once again touched my heart! I am looking forward to capturing the essence of this message! I don't know why, when I have a husband in my life, the journey with him seems to travel in a whole different direction. It seems as if we start the relationship in agreement, however over the course of time things are not the way they seemed. I needed to read this post more than you know! I have come to place, even though I am currently married and live like I am alone, that I am going to live my best life now. I was finding that I was waiting on him to do things and go places. I am not going to be about that anymore. If Imwant to go here and there, then that is what is going to happen. I had to come to this place you are talking about, and have arrived. I am grateful for your post!!!!!!!
And yes......
With a romantic heart,