How I tend my own garden
(and I don’t even own a hoe)


“She didn’t waste time looking over the fence as she was growing her own glorious garden”
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Do I compare myself to others?

I admit that I used to….

But not anymore.

Here’s why:

I’m too engaged in my own life to waste time examining what everyone else is doing.

I barely have time to peruse Facebook.

I don’t have the space to follow other blogs, except a couple of my favs (you can check them out here and here).

Instead, I’m focused on:

Being the best mom I can be
My health
My friendships
Making sure the light bill is paid
Picking up ingredients for a dinner party
Building a movement

When people tell me that they “compare” to the point of obsession, three things are clear to me:

  1.  They use obsession as their distraction
  2. They need their own projects, purpose and passions to focus on
  3. They need to cultivate and own their unique contribution in this world.

Can you relate?

If so, here’s where I suggest you start

instagram-she-didn't-waste-timeTrack your tendency to look around at what everyone else is doing and notice how it feels. If it feels like crap, you need to look at why and commit to working through it. On the other hand, if you feel inspired, fabulous. I am inspired by people daily. However, don’t spend all your time looking outside of your own life. If you do, your own garden will start to die.

Commit to filling your life (and calendar) with much beauty, joy, fun, passion. Schedule events that excite you. Find a project you can’t wait to work on. Commit to dinners with friends. Clean and organize your closet. Commit to cultivating yourself as a woman.

When you are focused on your own life, you won’t have the time to obsess over everyone else’s.

You can’t grow a beautiful garden if you’re constantly abandoning yours.

Now, we don’t live in a bubble, and you will peek over the fence at your neighbor. But do it for the right reason — to celebrate another person’s creation, to be inspired, to offer a high five, to ask if they need help, to borrow some fertilizer.

Then, get back to your garden! There is so much waiting to be tended to and grown.

Planting Love,


 PS. If you want to be around other fabulous, life loving women who are cultivating gorgeous gardens, c’mon and join the free French Kiss Life Club.  It’s THE place to grow celebration, confidence and courage in your life.

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8 Responses to How I tend my own garden
(and I don’t even own a hoe)

  1. My mom used to clip magazine articles and pictures like crazy but she never got past the inspiration stage. But spending life intending but not doing is sad–indeed, my mom was frustrated and depressed that she couldn’t quite get anything accomplished. It’s really important to move on to action. Just do it.

  2. OH so true!
    I struggle with comparison when I go to the mall. I don’t go very often especially when I am feeling down, but I used to feel sad about what I didn’t look like or the clothes I couldn’t afford (yet)and lately I realized that I can look and appreciate and let it inspire me instead and then like you said move along creating what I want.
    Thanks for the reminder 🙂
    Have a wonderful day Tonya.

  3. Indeed! Very well put, Tonya. I often remind myself to stay in my car, my lane, because if I’m watching someone else’s no one is in mine and I’m bound to crash. I like your garden analogy as well.

    PS. I do enjoy peeking into your garden to appreciate its beauty 🙂

  4. I learned many glorious lessons from my mother… one being, use what you have that you love. Don’t wait for that special occasion (it may never come or you may be too tired/ill to use it) use it now! Live your life now! Leave nothing for anyone to say “She must have been saving it just for me…(because it’s brand new)” If you don’t have an occasion, create one. Carpe diem, seize the day!

    • Oh my! I have been clipping and putting aside for the right day or for the right time, but the time is now! Your message hit home or to rephrase, “my garden needs weeding!” Thanks for FKM, it is delightful to receive seeds of wisdom and inspiration.

  5. I do love your podcast song! I feel like it is from something else too…maybe a cooking show? It always makes me do a little wiggle dance haha.

  6. This is why Facebook is such a time-and-energy-suck a lot of the time – we spend all our time looking at what other people are doing and trying to portray ourselves as having this wonderful glamourous life instead of just going out and LIVING IT

  7. I agree…no focus on others I compare my past self with the self I am becoming. I’m ready for it to be my time to shine because I’m still in shadows — learning, improving…ready to relaunch the new me. This is very helpful and insightful.

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