How to Be the Queen of Your Decisions


Do not plant your dreams in the field of indecision,

where nothing ever grows but the weeds of “what-if.” 


Every day, we are faced with thousands of decisions:  what, where and how much to eat;  what to wear; how to wear your hair; who to love; what deserves a yes or no; what to write, read or listen to; to stay or go; where to vacation . . . this list goes on and on.

Most people are making these decisions on auto-pilot.   Making the same decision for years, they remain in jobs they hate, keep eating foods that rob them of health, stay in relationships they outgrew years ago and wear the same hair style for years.

Keep making the same decisions, and you’ll keep getting the same results.

I know this pain all too well.  While I tend to think I’m a decisive woman, for two years, fear had me  locked up in indecision.

Lack of sleep, my skin breaking out in prepubescent levels, and not wanting chocolate (a HUGE red flag), I was living out the results of indecision.

When we are indecisive for long periods, or make the same poor decisions, over and over, paralysis strikes and we feel stuck. Lack of decision equals lack of forward progress.

Fear had immobilized me, and the only way out was to take a bold step towards the life I desired.

I’ll never forget the moment when I stopped procrastinating and made that crucial decision. While tears flooded down my face, I felt a sudden shift.  Life was moving forward again.  As Rita Mae Brown said,  “Peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one.”

Indecision is disabling.  In fear of making the wrong decision or disappointing others, we end up letting ourselves down.

By keeping our voices quiet and not taking steps towards what our soul desires most, we miss out… big time.

If you want to be the Queen of your Life, you must become the Queen of your decisions! <tweet it>

From investing in high-cost programs to shopping at Bergdorfs, I employ the following practices to ensure that whatever I choose is for my highest good:

1.  Make decisions from where you want to be, not from where you are

Many years ago, I wanted to join a high-end mastermind that cost two times as much as my first car.  The excuse, I can’t afford it, kept me in limbo for weeks. Yet, if I continued to use that as an excuse, I’d never break the “lack” cycle.   I ended up joining the mastermind, and that one decision changing the trajectory of my life.  

Here’s how it works:  If you make a decision based upon the same energy that created the situation, chances are you’re going to stay locked up in the same cycle.

If a woman wants an abundant life but doesn’t invest in herself out of fear of not having money, time or skills, chances are she’ll continue to struggle.  If a woman doesn’t invest in her business, out of the same fears, her business will remain stagnant.


When you make choices from where and who you want to be, things begin to shift the moment you make that brave decision.

When I work with weight loss clients, I teach them to think and make decisions like a Slim, Chic and Savvy women, and not to make decisions as a person who is constantly obsessing, dieting and focusing on the problem.

When I mentor women who desire to make more money, I teach them to shift their mindset to a woman of wealth, and begin making choices as she would, from how she cares for her money to how she spends it.

Use this question to help you get clear on your decisions:

Who and where do you want to be next month, in a year, five years?  What would that woman do?

Asking this question, and following the answer, works like a charm every time!

2.  Stop asking everyone else what you should do.

It sounds like this: Should I do this?  What do you think?  What would you do?

While keeping an outside perspective is valuable, every one is going to have an opinion.  The more data you collect from others, the more confused you’ll be.

Personally, I have a small group of trusted mentors who ask me the right questions to help me find my own answers.  They don’t tell me what to do or how to do it.  They simply guide me towards my own truth.

Deep down, you know what decisions are best for you.

Use this question to help you confirm whatever you choose:

If I didn’t care what others thought, what would my decision be?

3.  Listen to your Body.

If you’re not aware, your mind will often run the show. Being afraid to step outside the box of uncertainty will convince you to stay as you are.  Hence, making the same decisions day after day.

But, your body?  Oh… how it longs for freedom, love and bliss.  If you listen to it long enough, you’ll begin to notice what your gut, intuition or sixth sense is nudging you towards.

Here’s an exercise to help:

What are you trying to make a decision around?  Hold the possibilities in your mind with each.  Let it ruminate there for a while  Then, take note of how your body responds to each:

Expansive, open, excited ? . . . It’s going be to be a great decision.

Contracted, closed, full of dread? . . . It’s probably not a good decision.

If you want your life to gain  momentum, practice being a decisive woman in every area of your life – from travel, fashion, relationships, eating to investing in yourself.

Tell me about a time in your life when you made a powerful decision.  How did it feel?  What were the results?




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11 Responses to How to Be the Queen of Your Decisions

  1. Such an amazing post and so timely! Just recently I have noticed how indecisive I am-even though I have very strong opinions! I never thought I would see the two co-exist,but I have watched it escalate over the past year. Somewhere along the way I started to second guess everything, even though at the time I think “this is what I want”. Even down to the colour of a flower pot or shirt!! It is so so hard to re-train the brain once you are in that cycle. Thanks for such a pertinent post!

  2. Enjoyed your post as always Tonya….always share worthy! I especially love your use of the quote “Peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one.” It’s so true. I think my style of “always in play” and “always in beginner’s mindset” can ruffle a few feathers sometimes, but it’s totally true to who am I and how I flourish. I make many core decisions around it and when I’m in touch with what my body is telling me, I never make a wrong decision.

  3. “Action conquers fear.” In times where maybe things didn’t go as planned, I improvised to make it work. After years of being in a “soul-killing” marriage, I made a decision to end it as civilly as possible. He came out on the better end of the deal financially, but it was a price I was willing to pay for my freedom. I kept telling myself not to worry about the logistics, I was dying inside. So, I packed my small U-Haul and headed to the mountains. I left it all in the rearview mirror, and was at peace.

    Though I intended to be happily single for the rest of my life, doing as I chose…..after much persuasion (by my soulmate) I did marry again. Of course, the beauty this time was that I laid down some ground rules so I would never be in the situation I had been. I do consider my husband, but I consider myself as well. A happy woman is a happy wife is a happy husband….period!

  4. Dear Tonya,

    Your quotes, your pictures, your blogs, your wisdom–all are a part of a very special treat for my soul. You look so beautiful and are so wise. I am so glad you are out there for us! Indecision has reigned in my life forever due to being so focused on “others” opinions for approval of my actions that I am now only taking baby steps with making my own decisions. Your guidance with your blog is truly inspiring. Thank you!!

  5. Well Tonya Leigh, as the official duo called The Burnout Queens, Dr Toby and Dr Bev couldn’t agree with you more. We all are speaking from one heart here with a strong message to women to own what they have and who they are. Queen indeed, all our Inner Queens are intuitive, strong and ‘very’ wise.

    Blessings, Dr Bev xx

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