What to Do When Your Jeans Don’t Fit
(and Life Feels Out of Whack)


Have you ever walked into your closet and picked out a piece of clothing only to find that it no longer fits?

Yeah, me too.

A few months ago, I was in a hurry to meet some girlfriends for dinner. I reached into my closet to grab my favorite pair of jeans. As I went to slide them on, something happened.

They didn’t slide.

Instead, they stopped around my derriere.

Something must be wrong, I thought.

Immediately, I did the fall on the bed and flail around routine to get them on. (I know you know what I’m talking about.)

It didn’t work.

My jeans were tight. Too tight.

What was going on? I immediately knew the answer.

I was out of my Sweet Spot.

What is the sweet spot?

It’s that delicious space in time when you are experiencing power, presence and passion.

It’s when it feels like you are in the flow of life.

It’s when you are eating beautiful foods in just the right amounts and moving your body in ways that make you energized and powerful

It’s when you’re showing up in your life as the woman you desire to BE and living with intention.


…I didn’t back out of dinner and melt into a puddle of tears.

…I didn’t jump on Amazon and start looking for the newest detox plan.

…I didn’t swear to myself that I’d start an insane workout tomorrow.

…I also didn’t run to the fridge to eat the container of leftover Thai food that was waiting for my moment of weakness or hopelessness.

In other words, I didn’t spiral into doom, gloom and despair.

Instead, I chuckled.

Fortunately, I have become a woman who has learned how to be bien da sa peau, even with a few extra pounds.

So, I found a beautiful dress that did fit and off to dinner I went to have a most fabulous time.

For any woman who has struggled with her weight and body image, you understand how the scale, a pair of jeans or bathing suit shopping can trigger our tender hearts.

We spend our precious time cursing every angle, dimple, stretch mark, roll or anything that doesn’t fit our ideal.

You can’t create the body you want by cursing the body you have. <tweet it>

In fact, anything you desire to create in your life requires that stop fighting with your life — your bank account, relationship status, career, anything.

How I slid back into my favorite pair of jeans

It’s imperative that every woman finds her sweet spot.

In my “tight jean” situation, I did 2 things:

1. I was honest with what was going on.
2. I met myself with respect and compassion, not self-hatred and disgust.

Here’s what I’ve come to discover:

The worst thing that can happen with tight jeans (or anything)
is what happens in your own mind.

If we make a number on a scale, our bank account, relationships status, or yes, a pair of tight jeans mean that we are failures and hopeless, it will be impossible to get back into our sweet spot.

On the other hand, if we recognize that we are women and fluctuations throughout the seasons of our life is part of our experience, then we can meet ourselves with curiosity and easily get back into a state of grace and empowerment.

The secret is to not create a doom and gloom story in your mind about how hopeless your situation is or how worthless you are; simply see it as a sign that you need to tune back into your body and life and tweak your routine petit a petit.

In other words, don’t go to extremes, ones you won’t be able to keep up. This is setting yourself up for failure and will spiral you into toxic patterns.

Instead, set yourself up for success by learning how to get into your Sweet Spot.

Getting to your Sweet Spot takes self-awareness and curiosity.

When I was wrestling to get into my jeans, I had to ask myself some revealing questions (without judgement):

What’s been going on darling?

What have you neglected?

What do you need to let go of?

What do you need to add?

What are you going to do next?

Let me assure you: it was about so much more than food.

I discovered that between my travels, long days of leisurely hustling and other responsibilities, I had neglected a few of my Slim, Chic & Savvy principles.

With a new awareness and some simple (and pleasurable tweeks), I was back in my Sweet Spot within a few weeks.

Whether it’s your body, relationships or career (or maybe all three), everything you desire resides in your Sweet Spot.

And, here’s what I want you to know about getting there:

  • It doesn’t have to be a struggle. In fact, it will be pleasurable when you fall in love with the practice. If not, it will be a challenge. Trust me, I know.
  • It’s ludicrous to think that you can live in the sweet spot 100% of the time (weight never fluctuating, pure bliss 24-7, floating around in nirvana). You’re human, and life has its seasons – seasons of womanhood, nature, life priorities. As long as you are checking in with yourself on a regular basis, you can easily adjust and get back into your sweet spot with ease. In other words, don’t sweat it, but don’t neglect it either.
  • Getting to the sweet spot should be fun. You are your biggest puzzle to figure out! Stop judging and start investigating.
  • It doesn’t matter if you think you are far from finding your sweet spot. I’m here to tell you that it’s not as far as you think. In fact, with certain principles, you can begin sliding into it immediately.
  • The sweet spot is not a one-shot deal; it’s a lifetime practice.
  • Everyone’s Sweet Spot is different. That’s why formulas and blueprints don’t usually work, unless you’re trying to figure out a math problem.
  • The sweet spot is where the magic of life unfolds! When I’m in my Sweet Spot, I am full of excitement, passion and joie de vivre. I am unstoppable.
  • Living in the Sweet Spot requires elegance — an internal sophistication of confidence.

I’m thrilled to report that I slid back into my jeans within a few weeks. No drama. No diets.

And, I ate chocolate every night!

So, tell me: Do you know what your Sweet Spot feels like? Do share in the comments.

If you want to learn learn 3 mindset shifts to get you into your sweet spot, I’d love for you to join my free program that’s available for a limited time, The 3 Truths of Elegant Women.


Elegant women know how to shift their minds to quickly get back into that space that where they feel fabulous, eat with pleasure and have that savoir-faire (the know how) to create what they want.

Join the over 10,000 women who are committed to living with more elegance and ease in their lives.

Related Articles:

Pin It
Be a Bon Vivant & spread the Joie de Vivre!
Facebook Twitter Linkedin Email

10 Responses to What to Do When Your Jeans Don’t Fit
(and Life Feels Out of Whack)

  1. Hello,
    I’m presently in the “reclaim & salvage” stage of my life, now that my sons are finally grown. In the last few days I came across your site – LOVE IT!
    I’m finding so many interesting points and great advice that appeal to my desire to create the kind of life I want as well as my love of all things French (which happens to be my ethnic background).
    So thank you for creating a fabulous site and I look forward to continued reading.

  2. Hey Tonya!

    Great post as always and this was just what I needed to read today. This year my business has really taken off, which is amazingly great and exciting, but lately I have found myself a lot more cranky than usual and with 3 extra pounds to boot. Reading your post reminds me that I have been so busy taking care of clients and family that I put myself on the backburner …. and it shows! I look forward to getting back to my sweet spot.

    have a great 4th of July week-end!


  3. Hi Tonya! Thank you so much for this post. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I have been feeling so far away from my Sweet Spot (to the point that I’m not even sure what it is at the moment). I have signed up to go through this round of SCS with the new ladies and will be doing the Discovery Guide again. Much love to you and the FKL team!

  4. This blog/podcast was right on time. My entire life for the last month has been out of whack lately. This is the answer I needed, I have to find my sweet spot & get back into the rhythm of my “joie de vivre”. Thank You Tonya it is always a blessing to read your stuff. It is always exactly what I need!

  5. I always look forward to the Love Notes. Thanks Tonya for the encouraging words to remember our Sweet Spot!

  6. Good Morning Tonya,
    It is hard to comment but I will try. We lost our son 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. Grieving is such a powerful emotion, its as though you die too. I have gone through the motions of living all the while dying inside and out. I have gained 50 lbs. by eating everything I could to numb the pain of loss. I had almost given up hope of ever getting back into some kind of living when my favorite blog “Fifty not Frumpy” had a reference to visit your site. Something touched my heart as I read your posts and everything else I could find to read or your pod cast to listen too. To put it very simply “I feel better”! I know what you are saying “about that sweet spot”! I used to live there and for the first time in a long time…I miss it! You have reminded me of what life can be and that is a waste not to “live” the life God has so graciously given to us. So thank you sweet Tonya for your beauty and love that you reach out with and touch the lives of so many around you.
    I will be reading and listening everyday and when I am able I hope to take your immersion program. I am still fragile and taking my time to get back into life….but I feel I am finally ready. AND for the first time in a long time….instead of a box of cookies, I ate ONE fabulous piece of chocolate (in honor of you) and it was marvelous! It was all I needed and I was satisfied!! Thank you again for your gracious Spirit!

  7. Hi Tonya,

    I don’t know how you do it, but so many times your post reflect exactly what is happening in my life. Clairvoyant is a French word, oui? 🙂

    It’s been a trying two months and my weight is showing it. I was about to spiral down the Negativity Road when your blog popped in my box. Becoming curious, as you taught us in SCS, I know the extra cushion in my bum is a symptom of other things happening in my life. I am missing joy and beauty. Now that I know, I will take graceful action.

  8. Greetings Tonya,

    I was just thinking about this very thing today. Since FKL swept into my life my story has changed and brought new habits with it. One beloved told me years ago the lessons you have exemplified for me. Where the head goes the body follows.
    I remember when I first joined you group a few months ago, you gave the fledglings the assignment to write in detail the story of our sweet spot. Looking back I see a pattern of dreaming believing practicing and oops, somehow accidentally becoming the dream. It has been a truly amazing experience and I am so glad to be a part of this transformation.
    Here I will give just one (of many) examples. I love to sing but struggle with rhythm and bien da sa peau. I’m not in the night club yet, but I have embraced my own style of vocalizing and being. It is so exciting. And I’ll tell you what I thought tonight,
    ‘I am becoming Iconic’

    Thank you for the brain surgery, may there be many more operations ( with champagne, of course)

    Muah! Alex
    (P’alex Patrice (may a girl find her name))

    • Hi Tonya! I adore your brand and approach to life, love and food!

      I wanted to ask more about your specific approach to weight loss in a leisurely way? I have worked with intuitive eating and get so much inspo from the French. I rarely eat past satisfaction and really learned to enjoy my food without overindulgence. However, I still have trouble losing weight. I know I have a slow metabolism from years of yo yo dieting.

      I know you initially lost your weight through restriction and now you maintain through your current approach. My question is, do you think there is a way to amp up the process without creating obsession? Sometimes I feel like the only way to lose is to really be super strict on calories and watch every bite. However, that is just utterly depressing. I would love to have weight loss with the way I’m doing things now. 🙂

Leave a reply