My Life is Perfect (the real truth)

Tonya Leigh

“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”
-Mary Oliver

My daughter is struggling in math, and she sometimes thinks I’m the worst mother in the world.  So, I’ve hired her a tutor, and I tell her often how much I love her.

My husband often walks in the door and hugs the dogs (not me).  So, I walk over and give him a hug and ask him about his day.

I don’t have a formal business plan.  And, I’m okay with that.

I get sick.  And, I give my body what it needs.

I have an ex who sees the world very differently than me, and I focus on our common ground of the tremendous love we both share for our daughter.

I sit down to write and nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.   So, I go for a walk, and I come back inspired to write.

I have a huge zit on my chin.  So, I put on concealer and rock it!

I’ve moved to a new place where I’ve yet to meet many friends.  So, I call up my girlfriends and we laugh for hours.

I have bills.  So, I pay them feeling gratitude that I have the opportunity.

I would love to be in the South of France right now.  So, I bring France to me – listening to George Brassens and cooking crepes.

I have five extra pounds that found their way to my hips during the past two months.  So, I make a few minor adjustments and don’t think much about it.  This is the life of a woman.

I’m getting wrinkles and grey hair.  So, I celebrate my age, while also getting my roots done…often.

For the first time in over a decade, I don’t own a home.  We’re renting, and I love the feeling of freedom.

I am scared daily by things I want to do and create.  So, I do them.

I have my days where I just want to cry and watch Lifetime movies.  So, I cry and watch a Lifetime movie.

This week, during an interview for Kristen Domingue’s It Factor, she asked me if my life was as perfect as it seems.  The truth is that my answer is yes and no.  It’s certainly not every day trips to Paris, watching the sunset over the lavender fields of Provence or night after night of ecstatic sex.  Just like most women, I work, shuttle kids, pay bills and clean my house.  Nothing special.

Yet, it is so special, which is why I honor it.  I dress up on most days because I want to offer the world my best.  I eat delicious foods because I want to honor my body.  I set the dinner table beautifully with candles and fresh flowers, because everyday is a celebration in my world.  I wear perfume to bed, because nights want to be honored with scent as much as the day. And, I play often in my life and business, because the world is this big, beautiful playground full of opportunities, people and resources, but you’ll never experience life on this level if you’re fighting with the present moment, declaring it “imperfect!”

The way to create “a perfect life” is to see how perfect your life is right now.

I strive to see almost everything as absolutely thrilling, awe-inspiring, and yes – PERFECT, from the deer that passes my window each morning to my visits to Wal-mart.  (Please note that I said “almost everything.”  I don’t claim to be enlightened or sitting in some state of Nirvana.  In fact, just this morning, I became livid when my daughter spread foundation on the interior of my new car, but when I stopped my rant and really thought about it, I realized how blessed I am to have a car and a daughter who thinks it’s her makeup studio).

And, in those moments when life doesn’t feel perfect, it’s not my job to work hard to change my external reality, but to find the beauty and lessons in that moment.  The external changes as a result.

Perhaps that’s why my life has changed so much in the past ten years and why many people think my life is perfect, because I constantly strive to see it that way.  I want to sit in the core of my life looking around  and say, “Wow, this is pretty awesome!

That’s French Kissing Life!

So, tell me how your life is perfect right now in the comments below.

(P.S.  I am also the most imperfect person you’ll ever meet.  I like to call it:  perfectly imperfect!)

(P.P.S.  You may have heard about the French Kiss World Society.  If not, make sure you sign up, and you’ll be the first to know when it’s announced.  However, I feel the need to be clear:  this is not a mastermind that promises you six-figures a year or some grandiose goal achievement.  But, when I think about it, it’s probably the biggest achievement of a lifetime: to learn how to truly appreciate your life with style, beauty and grace.  When a woman loves her life, life loves her back, which is why many of my clients go on to create their deepest desires from a place of love and inspiration, not fear and lack.  Anyway, if you’ve been wondering if this is the program for you, I just thought you may want to understand what I’m not about.)

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43 Responses to My Life is Perfect (the real truth)

  1. I LOVE when I have time in my “perfectly imperfect” life to read your blog. It’s funny to me, how many of our lives share the same universal challenges. Though, I wonder how a woman I have never met can get into my head and say exactly what I need to hear at that moment.. that’s quite unique.

    Thanks for that. cheers. Sam

  2. I love love love this Tonya the reality of life is that it is what we make of it and so it only makes sense to make perfection of it…Lately whenever something goes wrong I quickly find the bright side and for that I am grateful! As usual you ROCK!

  3. I just noticed today (before reading this post) that I’m very good at helping other people get over thier issues, but not so good at doing the same for myself. When I see a friend having troubles, I can say, “so x happened, what are you going to do about it?” and not letting her get stuck. But to do the same for oneself takes a little more “something” and you seem to have that down. It’s something I aspire to and something I’m working on…

  4. I love people like you. I wish more people could just see life in a more positive way. There is always a bright side to each situation.
    Bravo for choosing to see life in such a wonderful way. Keep spreading your inspirational views. I choose to live my life this way and the world is indeed a better place because of my perspective. It’s contagious and a good role model for our children who watch how we deal with every day happenings.
    Have a great day.
    Susan an avid francophile xxx

  5. Just discovered your website and love it. I read Anne Baronne’s Chic & Slim books many moons ago and love her and now have discovered you…fantastic. My life is pretty great and I just wanted to share. I just got home from Kripalu in Mass, USA after completing my Certification for Let Your Yoga Dance Teacher Training and I begin sharing this joy this weekend. I have three healthy, beautiful children ..18, 21 & 23, that I adore and am trying hard to let them spread their own wings and fly. My husband works in another province most of the time but we make the most of his trips home. I live on the beautiful east coast of Canada and look out my windows to an awesome view of the river everyday. Life is good!! Less is more!! I love the idea of making every day special and using our good dishes & linen every day. I started to really enjoy my food, instead of just eating as much as possible and at 55 I am healthier and feel better about my body than I ever did before. I look forward to reading some of your past reflections and am delighted to have you visit my inbox whenever you like.

  6. Tonya, absolutely love your outlook. I admire how you make life feel like a celebration. I learn so much from you. You are beautiful inside and out. Thank you. As I learn to love my life, my life gets better and better, exactly!

  7. What surprises me–a lot–is when people see me being happy–or acting happy–when my life appears in a shambles on the outside, they think something is wrong with me for not totally falling apart–But when I do fall apart–many times–they’re upset that I’m falling apart–go figure?? It takes a lot of energy to be upset all the time and not be happy and feel good in the moment. I like feeling good!

  8. Thank you for a spot of validation. I’m the one who says “get to” instead of “have to”, as in, “We get to go to the dentist”, or “I get to fix dinner”. Perspective is an art worth cultivating.

  9. Love. Just subscribed to your site and I am in love with the work you are doing. Perfectly imperfect just makes the world better and makes me realized how blessed and alluring life really is. J’adore French kissed life!!

  10. I love to use the phrase, ‘my imperfectly beautiful and messy life’ :).

    Adventure is my top value but since I can’t jet off to India every other day, I challenge myself to find adventures in the everyday like the dishwashing soap I use (Mrs. Myers Geranium), a new-to-me chocolate bar, a new varietal (to me) wine, etc.

    Life is how you view it. If you view it as mundane and ordinary…it will be. If you view it as exciting and challenging, and gorgeous, and messy…it will be.

    For example, everyday I pack my daughter’s lunch. I could view it as mundane or I could view it as an act of love. Guess how I choose to view it :).

  11. My life is perfectly ripe for a new Grand Adventure! I am currently a full-time stay-at-homeschooling mother who just launched a part-time Life Coaching practice. My husband is currently a full-time VP of Operations who will be launching his own professional consulting business in the New Year. AND, to top if all off, we’re moving to a new (to us) home in about 3 weeks.

    The perfect convergence of exciting new opportunities. And the most surprising thing is, I feel peaceful. And SO grateful.

  12. I am so glad you wrote this….I was just tweeting today about seeing life positively. It’s too bad that most people don’t understand that it’s not that life is so perfect that you’re positive, it’s because it isn’t that you find the positive in it. You expressed exactly how I feel about my life, however, it is disheartening when others think being perfect means “everything” is always going your way and you have everything you want. I believe in grabbing the gusto from life and making ugly beautiful……it all begins in the mind.

  13. You know I love you and I now I believe we were separated at birth 😉 You are able to put words to everything I believe, live and share with others! You turned me on to another beautiful Mary Oliver quote too. For that, kiss kiss.

  14. What a great way to phrase the question and get us out of a zone of negativity!

    My life is perfect because we own a home that we have the opportunity and means to decorate; we’re on the receiving end of a new car for our family (as a gift!); my daughters are healthy, intelligent, and active; I have a husband that supports my flights of fancy in terms of both personal development and travel … and he does dishes!

    • Thanks Love. I’m just letting my soul do the work. I just show up! And, as for banging it out of the park, homeruns for you!

  15. Maybe you, Jen Trulson and me were triplets separated at birth ; ) I am always uplifted by your outlook and what you have to say. LOVE “perfectly imperfect” — the content I wrote for my website this spring says exactly that; I’m “perfectly imperfect” and also “comfortably uncomfortable” as I create a life I love. It’s an inside-out job. Adore you — thanks.

  16. I used to have a seriously chronic case of “The grass is greener..” I constantly thought my life would get better when: I moved, had more time, met more friends, was in love, had a perfect job, etc. etc.

    It took me awhile to figure out that my life would get better when I made it better, or when I stood back and realized that it was already pretty darn good.

    Today, I love my home, my job, the girl friends I’ve circled around me, my kitty, being near the mountains, and finally living near my sisters. I’m so unbelievably content, and it ROCKS!

    I’m still searching for an amazing job and a city I adore, I’m still trying to get better at exercising and planning, I’m still trying to balance work vs relaxation vs accomplishing goals…. But those things will come, and for the first time they are an adventure in themselves.

    I’m so happy to have discovered joy with where I’m at, while still looking forward to so much more!!

  17. Hey Tony, I get it that mostly women will read and reply to your articles but I had to say kudos. I like what you write and how you write it. I think everyone in this life needs examples and models and inspiration and I am so grateful that the world has not stopped providing inspiring people.

    That’s it, keep it up. Bye:)

  18. Tonya,
    WE have spent a lifetime trying to juggle all the plates in the air and taking care of everyone and leaving ourselves for last. I am so ready to put myself in order first, and leisurely enjoy life. It all passes so quickly, whether we stress about it or not. You have the right idea. Looking forward to reading more from you!

  19. Tonya thank you for keeping it real and showing us how to do likewise. I too believe my life is perfect and give God thanks for my many blessings daily of which you are one.

    Living Authentically,


  20. I discovered your blog about a year ago and was obsessed with it from the start! I read nearly all of your posts and subscribed immediately. The last few months, however, I’ve been in a bit of a rut in life and stopped reading – I’m graduating uni and filled with the pressures of doing something with myself afterwards (especially since I hold an English degree, which in the real world is translated as virtually useless). I have a boyfriend I’ve been with for a fairly long time, who I love dearly, but I’m starting to realize how different our aspirations are and our future plans, and it’s difficult to come to terms with this. Overall, it’s been a bit of a messy end of 2014, not to mention a whole lot of projects I have to have completed in the next few weeks that I haven’t brought myself to start. Reading this really helped put things into perspective for me – I may be at a stressful point in my young adult life, but I have a very supportive and financially sound family who will be there for me along whatever path I choose. My boyfriend, though very different, loves me so genuinely that even if we were to break up, I know I am capable of deserving such amazing love. I am healthy and have my whole life ahead of me. My life is wonderful, and I think I need to stop and think about that more often in 2015. Thanks for inspiring!

  21. Tonya,
    I find myself searching for your blogs almost daily. Its the last thing I do before I go to sleep. The French Kiss Manifesto is one, if not the best motivators I had ever read. I am learning to totally love myself and when I look in the mirror, I throw her kisses and tell her I love what I see. thanks so much for all your wisdom. kiss kiss. xoxo. Valerie

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