Overworked? Overwhelmed? Over It ? . . . Try This More Luxurious Approach to Life!


I just spent an hour on the phone with a very dear friend of mine. She is a successful entrepreneur; bright and beautiful; and has a mindset that allows her to be unstoppable.

While she could achieve just about anything she put her mind to, there is a lot of resistance in her life because the one thing that she has focused on– more than anything– has led to a problem… a big problem.

This problem– which many of us can relate to– has caused strain on her health, her relationships, her self, and her emotional well being. In honesty, her life is suffering.

What… (You’re probably wondering) is the problem?

Work, overwork, and devoting more energy into creating a business than creating a life.

I often hear her say (and you might relate to this): “I work all the time and I can never seem to get ahead.”

The most heartbreaking part is, despite her brilliance and talent, she wants to give up.  She’s created something that feels unsustainable.

In my business, I often attract women who voice very similar concerns about their lives. Their main goals and focuses have been making more money, losing weight, and finding true love. Sometimes, they are looking for all three.

There are many programs out there with great offerings: “Find your true love;” “Make your first six-figure salary;” or “Lose 10 pounds in 10 days.” Women who come to me have tried these promises, spent the money, and still struggle with unhappiness and longing.

So, I’m here to break down the problem. The heart of the matter is the search. These women, and many others, are looking for the wrong thing.

I’d be the first to tell you I was focused on the wrong things for years and have been part of this toxic cycle. It’s exhausting. Even worse, it can push away what we desire most.

A decade of my life was spent trying to lose weight. And as long as that was my focus, I was getting nowhere. There were always  ten more pounds to lose.

The first two years of my business, I was focused solely on generating revenue. Yes, my bank account increased but was I any happier? No. If anything, the stress and worry were affecting my life adversely. I would stay awake at night asking myself: How am I going to keep this up?

And… love. What I have learned from a lot of trial and error is that love will find you when you stop looking outwardly for it and rather focus your attention within… and on yourself.

Everything– and I mean everything– transformed when I chose to make a shift in my life and reevaluate my desires and what I was really looking for. I shifted my focus by asking myself these 5 questions every day:  

1.  Was my day filled with joy, ease and beauty?

2.  Did I take inspired action (action out of love and joy; not fear and desperation)

3.  Did I do the best I can with what I know and have?

4.  Did I have fun and celebrate?

5.  Did I love?

This is how I began to create a luxurious life.

I changed my focus from striving to making every day beautiful.

If I were to drive myself mad and lose light of the beauty in life, was having this season’s Louis Vuitton worth it? If I worked 15-hour days and had no time for myself and loved ones, was my 6-figure salary worth it?

Now, here’s the magical piece:  The choice I made to focus on making each day beautiful and full of ease attracted my desires but with much more fun and natural magnetism.  (I have my purses and I work four days a week).

How do you do it? I’ll explain how I did…

I stopped seeking money and focused on adding value to each day by creating things I love – art, community, memories, inspiration and adventure. I also created a daily practice of gratitude.

I stopped trying to losing weight and instead focused on vitality, pleasure, health, beautiful dinners to appreciate, ecstatic movement and dance, and play.

I stopped seeking love that someone else would give me and started focusing on loving myself, and having true connections with community through vulnerability, authenticity, femininity, passion, and joy.

I stopped waiting for beautiful days to find me and instead committed to having dinners by candlelight, dressing my best each day, listening to inspiring music, connecting with friends often and

Most importantly, I stopped looking at life as a race, always trying to get to the next finish line, never satisfied. Instead, I made a conscious decision to saunter at my own pace (usually with Champagne in hand).

You may wonder, can I have health and love while still maintaining a healthy income?


Women can, and should, have bodies they love to flaunt in that cute black dress.

Women can, and should, have ease and fun while earning financial abundance.

Women can, and should, honor themselves while cultivating and cherishing relationships.

How? Change your focus:

Want a financial breakthrough? First, take inventory of the riches you already possess.

Want to lose weight? Lose the self-loathing.

Want to find love? First, love yourself.

Want elegance?  Simplify, simplify, simplify!

Want to go on an adventure? Find excitement in your every day life.

Want more luxury?  Begin adding and savoring beauty in an ordinary day.

Want to feel beautiful?  Wear beautiful lingerie.

Want to find your purpose?  Stop seeking it and follow what lights you up.

Want to make a million bucks?  Treat yourself like you’re worth it.

Want to impact the world?  Share your passions.

Want to live a exquisite life?  Stop settling and making excuses and make today beautiful.

Do you want peace in your life? Stop convincing yourself that it will somehow, someday get better when you are wealthier, skinnier, or in a relationship.

These shifts in focus will always lead you back to making today, not tomorrow, the best day of your life.   And, trust me, it will also lead to your desire to live an exquisite, joyful life.

In the words of a French friend of mine: “Stop chasing life and let life mesmerize you.”

Choose to make today beautiful. <tweet it>  I promise, you’ll attract more than you ever thought possible with this approach.  You’ll become a woman full of joie de vivre.  And, as I love to say,

“A happy woman is a magnet to her desires.”

Share in the comments below:

Where has your focus been?

Where does it need to be to create a truly French Kissed Life?




(P.S. This will probably be the longest P.S. in history, but I like breaking records.

Many women feel that they can create their desires alone, in a vacuum.   But, it’s almost impossible.  You are buried in your story, the people around you, and the way you see the world.

That’s exactly why I created the French Kiss the World Society.  It’s a one-of-a-kind lifestyle mastermind, where we focus on your entire life – your confidence, style, self-care, self-worth, unique talents, and dreams – everything that impacts your business, health, relationships and quality of life.

We are an exclusive group of women who are committed to living nothing short of luxurious lives. We think that personal and business growth pairs best with travel, food and wine, inspiring conversations, and most of all, an attitude of ease, style and elegance.  We want to feel fully alive each and every day!

We are accepting applications now and will be conducting interviews over the next week.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Check it out and get your application turned in.)

If you want to read what women are saying, click here.)

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11 Responses to Overworked? Overwhelmed? Over It ? . . . Try This More Luxurious Approach to Life!

  1. Great post as usual! It’s nice to be reminded this beautiful things from time to time.
    Lately my focus has been in looking for a job like a crazy person, and since I’ve been ill with a throat infection (aka being a forced couch potato for a week) I may have gained a couple pounds so that has been a worry too.
    This are my action steps at the moment:
    – Since I have no secure job offers, I’m going to get certified as a PMP which is what I always wanted to be. Screw the endless search, I’m improving myself and eventually it will work out for the best.
    – I’m doing my best trying not to focus on the weight but in the beauty in the world and all of those things you though us, I guess I just have to keep trying and it will be back to normal in no time (I don’t weight myself btw).

    Keep this great posts coming!

    • Hi Irina,

      Thanks for stopping by. I challenge you to find the joy and beauty, even during the job hunt and couple extra pounds. Sending you love and the blessings for your next inspired steps.

  2. This post couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I always felt I needed to strive for better and have worked myself ragged trying to achieve my goals. But you just gave me a fresh perspective; why not just live and love in the moment? I’ve become so overwhelmed with inspiration and taking action steps that now I feel lost and don’t even know what I want. Now I feel I actually have permission to relax and love me and my life now, so I can open the doors to more love. Thank you!

  3. oh, tonya!! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!! To everything you said here…my emotions were stirred big time while reading this…this IS why i LOVE everything thing you say and do!!! the entire time i felt like i could cry and at the same time i felt like i just stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. it’s SO nice to hear these refreshing words…and it words i need to put my focus on…it’s SO easy to fall back into the “other” focus…but, deep down, this IS exactly what i’m striving to focus on…printing this out and hanging it on my wall. and one day, i will be a part of your society!! it’s on my vision board!! you’ve changed and inspired my life in SO SO many ways!! thank you for BEing you and doing what YOU do!!

    • Renee, it’s easy to lose our focus if we don’t keep our intention at the forefront of our daily lives! It even happens to me from time to time. That’s when I remind myself that life is not a race, and I have so much to savor and celebrate TODAY! Keep switching your focus back to this day, and it will become easier. And, keep the Society on your vision board. It’s magical!

  4. I love your statement, “A woman is a magnet to her desires.” The FKL Adventure was magical experience, and surely just a very small taste of what life should look like, feel like, taste like, etc.

    This year is first year harvest from our vineyard. I tend to be the business-minded part of the pair. My hubby is the botanical knowledge guy. Because I want to be sure to fully indulge the experience of the French Kiss the World Society (not to miss a single moment of it), I will keep this desire in my pocket and on my calendar everyday on my list.

    I KNOW that it will be life-changing!

  5. Tonya, dear: I’m in the process of quitting my job to follow my passions, and every time I have doubts, some of your words make their way into my screens… I know you know that you are living you mission, but I guess it’s always good to hear that you are in fact nailing it: You do continuously inspire me! Thank you so much for it all!!

  6. Dear Tonyia, I love the way you write and help “growing” women “around you”. I found your articles as a standard-setter, worth reminder and a blessing in a world where win-lose games are so much push forward (artificially). I like as well the femininity education and encouragement that you add between the lines. Please keep doing that: to me your strongest message is “welcome home, Lady!” Many thanks and all good thoughts to you and your team.
    Have a fulfilling day!

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