The Question I Ask Myself When Deciding What to Do

The Question I Ask When Deciding What to Do (1)

It’s so easy to get caught up in indecision or to make the ‘safe’ choice.

What I know is that either of the two will most likely not lead to a fabulous life, because both are fear based.

Just yesterday, I had an opportunity come my way that I immediately thought, “I’m definitely not ready for that one.”

Before even considering that this may be a huge step in the right direction, fear wanted me to say no.

But, more than anything, I want to French Kiss Life – expand the possibilities, fall in love over and over, push up against self-imposed boundaries and see what I’m capable of in this lifetime.

I asked myself the question that has helped me gain instant clarity in moments where I wanted to pretend I didn’t know, run from a choice and shrink from my soul.

Here it is:  What would my 90-year old self tell me to do? (tweet it!)

Now, let’s get this one straight.  I’m not speaking of your feared 90-year old bag lady. I’m speaking of that spectacular woman that has rocked out her life and has dished out so much love, creativity, and inspiration that she looks back on her life and says, “Well done, darling.”

She’s that woman who gave it all she had.

In fact, this clip of Ilona Royce Smithkin is how I envision myself at that beautiful age – a wild, beautiful freedom from living a life completely as my own.

Your 90-year old self has the answers. She is not wishy-washy.  It’s either an “absolutely YES,” or a “not a chance.”

And, she can guide you from the big to little questions, such as:

Should I want to quit?

The red or purple dress?

Should I go to the event?

What should I write about?

Should I book that ticket to Paris?

It’s a simple question, but one that can help you gain instant clarity around your decisions.  And, don’t be surprised when what she has to say scares the daylights out of you.

But, if we want our 90-year old selves to be toasting our lives with a “Well done, darling,” it’s time we listen to what she has to say, don’t you think?

To get you started, I’d love for you to describe your 90-year old self in the comments below.  I can’t wait to meet her!  I’m sure she’s fabulous, wise and ready to live a most beautiful life!

Passionately Yours,


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18 Responses to The Question I Ask Myself When Deciding What to Do

  1. I hope that she is a lot more fun and daring than her 49 and younger self was. I’ve always lived the “safe” life – never taking chances or stepping out of my comfort zone (my husband tells me I’m wound too tight). But, since I’ve discovered your FKL website, I’m hoping that is going to change and that my 90 year old self will be proud and say “well done darling!”

  2. She’s telling me “just create darling, just create.” And she’s urging me to be more edgy and bold with what I write and share. To live “harder.” Not in a masculine pushy way but in a “you’ve got more life in you than what you’ve been living girlfriend” way. Thanks for this T.

    • Kristen,

      I can see us meeting up when we’re 90 to celebrate this one wild and crazy ride! I’m in love with you now and your 90-year old self!

  3. She would be in love with the beautiful culture that she finds herself in. Inspiring the world around her and herself each and every day with her creativity. Being her true self and expressing her beliefs that it is okay to be free from self judgment and criticism, as these are not self motivating but self defeating. She would be the star of social occasions making every one feel as good as she does. Her house would be a creation from her imagination that expresses her own style and taste.

  4. My 90 year old self will sit her granddaughters down and tell them her fascinating stories which will make them in turn dream of a fabulous life they will create for themselves. I would always want them to ask what I try to ask myself. “Why not?” Thank you so much, Tonya. This is such an inspring question.

    • You are SO welcome! Just thinking of you with your grandchildren telling those stories put a huge smile on my face.


  5. My 90 year old versión of me is a brave, stong and fearless woman who after 40 started to live a live full of joy, not because of the things she had but because she found happiness in every little thing, like the first rays of the sun in the morning or the sound of the rain falling down against the window. She did not see failure but challenges along the way which made her stronger. She always loved the fullest and was caring and kind giving a smile to everyone regardless her situation. Very full of life!

  6. My 90 year old self says to keep walking those hills and enjoying the trees and blue sky and keep on writing those poems and painting those paintings! And draw and laugh and eat with your friends! 🙂 Well, all of that is what I am doing now and I am loving my life. I think she would tell me to take some classes in art and poetry. And she would say, “Eat chocolate!”

  7. She ( the Crown in me says) : ” You have time Darling. 40 Years more time to realize all your dreams. You do a great Job, but bring more IT ti IT. Go in your garden , enjoy yourself, nobody will enjoy you when you d not enjoy yourself. To act like it is your last day or you die in 3 month is nonsense , You live forever and are immortal. Time is so good, Drink her slowly.”

    • Oh my…I’m in love with your 90-year old self. She knows “there is not hurry” and to bring more of IT to IT! Adore :).

  8. Brilliant! I am always inspired by women who are rocking life into their 80s and 90s, and for many years I’ve made it a conscious intention to become one of them. But I never really thought about making my 90-year-old self my coach and mentor. What genius!

    Now I am imagining my child self as the model of unconditional love, wildness, innocence, and creativity–and my older self as the model of wisdom, boldness, and total freedom. Between the two, I am basking in so much self-love! 🙂

  9. I think my 90 year old sprite would tell me to live each moment and enjoy every bit of them! To put myself first a little bit if not alot each day and try something new and do something old that I get enjoyment out of. To not worry what everyone thinks of my style and actions and to just be myself – love myself – please myself. Celebrate!!!

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