The Bad Girl’s Manifesto

when im bad im better
You can spot a good girl by her to-do lists, perfectly manicured nails, rigid gym schedules, spotless home and the tension she carries on her face by trying hard to maintain control.

I know that girl well.  I use to be her, except I was a really, really good girl because I said, “yes, sir” and “no, sir.”  And, can you say exhausting?  Not only that, but what a boring way to live.

This is why I want to talk about the bad girls.

Walk down the streets of Paris, and you’ll see them everywhere – those rebellious vixens who break the fashion rules, practice the art of seduction, eat le chocolat without guilt, cut in line, roll their eyes, expose just enough cleavage, have hot make out sessions in the middle of the Marais and embrace who they are without apology.

While it’s easy to judge these types of women, most of us are secretly envious, wishing we had the balls to feel so free with who we are and what we want.

So, to all the bad girl’s in training, I’ve created a manifesto just for you.

  • I will create boundaries around my time, calendar and soul.  I will be my own bodyguard with a red velvet rope policy.
  • I will dream up my own reality.  I will not be reasonable or realistic.  I will  use my imagination to create the life of my dreams.  I will not look around at what is.  Instead, I will dream of what can be.
  • I will not waste energy on worrying about what others think.  My personal opinion of myself and what I do is my business, and that’s where I’ll focus.
  • I will be honest over loyal.  I will speak my truth versus staying in toxic relationships or situations under the pretense of loyalty.
  • I will be in charge of my own sexuality, and not buy into the male narrative of how a woman should look, act or be.  Nor, will I let media depict how I treat and enjoy my body.
  • I will ask for what I want.  Because the world admires the woman who is willing to simply ask.
  • I will be emotional and unpredictable.  I am a woman, and my emotions are like the ebb and flow of the ocean.  I’m not interested in suppressing what’s happening in my life.  I will cry, scream, shout, and laugh. In other words, I will let life flow through me, not dam it up by numbing out or trying to protect someone else’s feelings.
  • I will eat whatever the hell I want.  I don’t need Dr. Oz or the community of South Beach telling me how to nourish my own body. My body tells me that.  I won’t live my life by a calorie counter or deprivation.  I will eat, and I will enjoy every single morsel.
  • I will dine, not feed.  The art of eating is a sensual experience, and as a bad girl, I love to live a sensual life.  I will slow down, savor and, again, enjoy my food.
  • I will not be hurried or rushed just because society tells me that I should be.  I get to choose the pace of my life in any given moment.  And, I will saunter to the beat of my own drum taking moments for leisure along the way.
  • I will speak my truth. I will not tell you that I’m fine when I’m clearly not.  I will not say things to make you feel comfortable and me feel gross.  I will speak what is present for me, because that’s my truth, and where there is truth, there is love.
  • I will not be ashamed of my desires.  Whether it’s to engage in S & M or become a nun, they are my desires, and they are there for a reason.  You don’t need to like them, and I won’t feel shamed by them.
  • I will adorn my body with my own personal style.  Again, you don’t have to like it, because you’re not wearing it.
  • I will treat myself like a royal queen.  Because I’m convinced that somewhere in a past life that I was, and so I will continue the legacy.
  • I will be passionately imperfect, because life is messy, and sometimes, so am I.  I will not obsess over my home being spotless, my nails have a chip or having cellulite.  I’m human, not superwoman, and I don’t care to be.  As Betty Friedan said, “No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor,” and she certainly doesn’t experience joy while trying to be perfect.  Nuff said.
  • I will own my story and how it’s told.  And, I’ll tell it like a grand fairytale/crazy adventure filled with dark holes, impossible obstacles and numerous villains where in the end, I am the heroine!
  • I will be an unabashed pleasure seeker.  Because what’s a life without pleasure?  And, as I’m sitting in the sun sipping Champagne by the river, I will say a little prayer for all the do-gooders.
  • I will love hard.  Because, I can have my heart broken a million times and still have more love to give.
  • I will travel to exotic places.  And, sometimes that exotic place will be the fish shack down the street, but because I look at everything through the lens of enchantment, I will find the exotic appeal wherever I go.
  • I will be spontaneous, because the best stuff in life rarely comes from a to-do list or jam packed calendars.  I will trek off the beaten path following my intuition to the moon and back.
  • I will make love to myself.  Not in a masturbation sense of the word (although bad girls have no problem with this), but in a cherishing who I am kind of way, where I give myself the highest quality experiences, hug myself often and forgive myself easily.
  • I will make love to life.  Flirt, seduce, dance, run, play, sing, savor, appreciate, celebrate.  Yep, that’s how you do it!

In the comments below, tell me how you’re going to live a little on the bad side.

Also, if you know of a woman who needs to tap into her inner bad girl, please share the manifesto love.

Your Bad-Girl-In-Training,



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36 Responses to The Bad Girl’s Manifesto

  1. I’m meeting my husband on our boat in an hour. I’m going to wear my bikini and gorgeous heels I just bought to match! Oh yeah,and a come hither smile!

  2. Today I pointed out to my male peers that just because I was negioating a number just like they do, Does Not make me weak, sitting down and taking my outrageous goals like a good girl would be weak! And. No I don’t care what they think ( although one called to ask if we were still friends) lol!

  3. Amazing Tonya! Thank you for this! The tone is so contagious! It makes me want to a bad girl. It goes against all the dull lifeless advice I am given all day long. Hooray and Thank You!

  4. I love it Tonya! And I can certainly imagine you as a “bad girl”. I have been in training for several years and I absolutely love it!! And on Monday, I went a little further in my rebelliousness! I got an “om” tattoo on the top of my foot. It makes me smile during every time I look at!

    Wish I were sitting by the river drinking champagne with you. Hope all is well and that we can get together next time you are in MB. XOXO


  5. I’m going to say au revoir to a lover who is no longer fun and is danger of becoming hard work. I love my inner bad girl, especially when people realise how much they have underestimated me !

  6. Absolutely adore this post Tonya! The list is so good that it’s very hard to have a favorite. However, the last one does really tickle my fancy. I’m definitely planning to make love to life more.

  7. Every since your last post, I adopted the mantra, “I don’t have to be a good girl.” This fab article just drives the point home. I’m now walking with a devilish glint in my eye and more confidence. Merci, mon ami!

    xo, A former “good girl”

  8. Bein` a bad Girl – pure fun!

    Hi Tonya, hi Girls, I`m a so damn good in being bad – 41 years of daily excercising ((-; Tonya`s right.It`s good to be bad and inconvenient: My Managers at work love me for that,being a character and friends admire me, doing whatever pleases me. So, here I`m replying to Tonya`s manifesto-being in Wales (UK) momentarily.Just felt the urge to visit my foster parents.Although my Partner disliked it, me booking a flight yesterday (-; But in the end, she mentioned: Babe, if I could have been more spontaneous, I`d accompanied you ! So Girls, carry on being bad! Michaela from Germany/Wales

  9. I love love love this, and I’m printing this out to keep inspiring me. However, I feel a little bummed that this is a manifesto for “bad” girls. I hope some day these lines will be our own heart’s and our culture’s accepted definition of what it means to be a GOOD WOMAN.

  10. LOOOVE this post! My little perfectionist/good girl needs to step aside for the new bad girl. I’m out from hiding and done with living my life worried about what other people will think – as you said “how boring!” Thanks for the manifesto – it will guide me as I try this bad girl on!

    • Kim, I have to keep that part of me in check as well. Being a “good Southern girl,” I’ve worked diligently to allow myself to enjoy this much more fun way to be in the world.

  11. I’m kicking to the curb my “good girl” guilt/doubt in myself that I felt when I learned some other mothers of my daughter’s friends question how we “run our house” as far as rules and boundaries for our daughter. My husband and I have been together 17 years and parenting our girl for 13 of those. We know her better than anyone else. We see her learning and thriving — sometimes stumbling and struggling — but always connected to us and with totally open dialogue. I know who I am, what I am doing, and the amazing young woman I am raising. Back off. And I had that 2nd glass of Prosecco tonight with dinner for good measure.

  12. quote: “…wishing we had the balls to feel so free with who we are and what we want.” unquote……
    why do women automatically think of testicles when they want to reference courage, audacity and boldness?

    women are still perceived as weak. ovaries are not ever thought of as having anything to do with power at all. interesting.

    otherwise, love the post. cheers

  13. You say it so perfectly. I came across your website via Pinterest, by pure accident. Someone pinned a pretty photo that grabbed my eye. It turns out, your message is EXACTLY what I need right now. Merci!

  14. I can’t thank you enough for being so real & riveting! I eat up your blog posts and share them with women in my women’s group. I can’t tell you how much you are allowing all of us permission to be WOMEN. You are changing our lives. I have women signing up for your blog now. I’ve frenched kiss life for years now since my travels to Southern France. You hit the nail on the head about how French women do it! Looking forward to the next post!

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