What Every Woman Should Know


What do my mother and Oprah have in common?

Yes, they both grew up in the South on farms.
But there’s something else.
Something far more important.

They both figured out where they shine.

For my mother, it’s in the kitchen cooking 20 course meals (yes, I said 20. But, it’s buffet style, if that matters) for family get togethers. It’s her heaven, her happy place, her expression of love. It’s where she shines.

For Oprah, put her on stage in front of thousands, and her soul lights up. It’s how she shares her amazing love and light with the world.

As a woman,

It’s up to you to figure out where you shine.

There is no right or wrong answer.

It could be living in a cabin by the river or walking a runway at Paris Fashion Week.

Personally, I know I shine when I’m dressed up, working with clients, leading retreats or working on a creative project. Also, when I’m curled up on the sofa with my daughter, reading a great book or gathered around a table with friends, I feel so alive. Oh, and Paris…but you knew that already.

Yet, I see so many of us fight our shine factor:

We think…

It’s not big enough.
It’s not worthy.
It’s not changing the world.
People will judge me.

We look around at other women and think…

I should be better at speaking.
I should write a book.
I should be a better cookie maker.

Sure, if you desire to do those things, that’s another conversation (and I will support you 100%).

However, if it’s a cycle of compare and despair, never allowing yourself to love what you love and to own what you’re amazing at, then…

I’m throwing out the BS card.

What the world needs is your radiance.
Because, Lord knows, there’s enough dark in this world.
For the love of God, please DON’T JUDGE YOUR SHINE.

Take my mother, for example. She’s never fought her radiance. She figured out a long time ago what she loved, how she could love and she has done it in love.

She didn’t look around at everyone else and think, “I should be doing something different. This whole domestic thing that I love isn’t good enough.”

Instead, she has worked her entire life to cultivate it even more, to the point that she is often referred to as a southern Martha Stewart. And, guess what? Her life has been full of joie de vivre.

Your shine factor is unique to you, and once you own it, it will take you to the most magical places. {Tweet it}

Think about what you absolutely love to do. It could be knitting or sailing.

Think about the places that light up your heart. It could be in a tent or at the Four Seasons.

Think about what people thank you for. It could be that you make the best cupcakes on earth or that you are an incredible listener.

Think about when your soul feels most at ease. It could be while skydiving or curled up by a fire.

Think about what how you naturally are in the world. It could be sassy, sexy or sweet.

Your job is to discover your own shine factor, and then to do the work to live in that space more often than not.

And, when you do, you’ll discover an excitement and peace that you have never known before. Life will be filled with more ease, because you’re not fighting with your own being.

Shine, my friend, like only you can!

Want to start right now?

Let’s discuss in the comments what makes up your shine factor.


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8 Responses to What Every Woman Should Know

  1. My shine …

    I absolutely love to travel and to write.
    Mexico, Italy and Greece light up my heart.
    People thank me for my writing and my advice.
    My soul feels at peace in Mexico. It is my healing zone where I come most alive and in love with life.
    I am most naturally myself when I am irreverent, when I am laughing and making people laugh, and when I am foreign places investigating life.

    Thanks for reminding me where I shine, Tonya.

    • Wanda…thank you so much for sharing this.

      I highly recommend that you figure out how to use these qualities to shine wherever you are (bring in the essence of travel and the Mexican culture, travel and all those things that light up your soul). Always cheering you on!


  2. I also love to travel and wrote! I shine when doing those things! My confidence level goes up and I feel as though I can take on anything!! I also shine when I try new restaurants and new foods!

    I feel good now!! I need to keep these things in mind!!!

  3. I love to sing. My heart lights up in a busy room with the tinkling of glasses, the aroma of fine cuisine, and the laughter of many – some brazen, but always class.

    People thank me for my warm presence, my lovely smile, the sound of my voice, and my delicious food. I feel most at ease around many including a few who truly appreciate me. It is most natural for me to be reserved, off to myself cherishing quiet thoughts of my own or breifly engaging in conversation with small groups or one in particular, before skirting away to myself once again.

    And, yes, I love a strength challenge.

  4. For me, it’s animals. It’s always been animals. But what I have come to at the age of 60 is that I can communicate with them. (Well, we all can but that’s another story!) I believe this came to me at this stage of life so I could commit myself fully to it. I’ve reached an age at which I really don’t care what others think about it. And because of that, I’ve been able to shed the “slings and arrows” of people’s comments about what is a very scorn-heavy profession. These days when people ask me what I do, I proudly reply, “I’m an animal communicator”–and I don’t pause to gauge their reaction. Because it doesn’t matter. Because I am SHINING! BTW, part of this ability to shine came from completing Tonya’s SSC course and the Modern Day Icon course. If you need to get the tarnish off your shine, I highly recommend these courses!

    • Elaine, I absolutely LOVED reading this. This is who I am. This is what I do. This is what I believe. No explanation needed! YES ;).

      Thank you, m’friend! Keep on shining.

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